Here's a little background on the early rumble of how the
Picture this. Four feet of snow, piled mid-trunk across the Michigan trees. It's February, and as I looked outside with no green grass nor sunshine anywhere in sight, my phone rang.
"Uh, Sheryl, I'm not going to California next month."
"Yes, you heard me, and according to another colleague's FB post this morning, you aren't either."
My mind ran like an angry bull, plowing through porcelain places inside me.
It was one of those moments when you can't think straight. One of those moments, that if you were a car, your red hazard lights would be flashing "Warning! Warning! Warning!" from here to Mars.
It was one of those moments when you want to blame, "Whose fault is this?", and shame, "Did I cause this?" and where you complain inside your own head, "It's so cold, and it was going to be so warm." It was one of those moments.
Except suddenly, I realized that every person I was blaming, was going to feel my invisible blame. That my bullishness was not just crashing and smashing internally, but each thought was like a poison arrow that I was flinging at people I loved and respected, unconsciously.
Something happened inside that moment, and it awoke a willingness to do something kinda revolutionary, and evolutionary, and
I asked myself, "What are you running from? What is so blasted uncomfortable, that you're blaming, shaming and complaining?"
Here's what I've discovered . . .
Each of us has a feeling that stalks us, that trips our inner wire, that incites us to press that inner eject button.
It's a feeling so simple and simultaneously so profound that we've patterned a fight-flight defense system around it, such that if we even catch the scent of it, we're outta there. What's fascinating here, is that we spend so much energy not feeling it, and then overeating, or overspending, or overhabituating whatever our self-soothing mechanism is, that we stop being present and often start behaving out of alignment. Discordant.
So, I made a radical choice.
I consciously chose to do something else instead. I consciously chose to sit and actually feel the feeling that I most did not want to feel. You know what it was? It was plain old disappointment.
When I first began sitting with disappointment, it was unbelievably uncomfortable. Picture cruising along a dirt road in a jallopy without shock absorption, I kept wanting to pop right out of my seat, to escape the discomfort, but then a series of potent meditation tools began to download and I began learning to stay. The more I practiced, the calmer I grew, until something started to transform, to alchemize, and only oneness remained. This really still, knowing, universal wisdom, experienced.
teaches tools that reconnect you to you.
If you feel called to learn these tools, too, practical tools for Centering, Grounding, Connecting, Intuiting, Removing the Old Habits and Anchoring New Ways to Stay Present, inside you,
is like upgrading your operating system to universal truth.